


wow really gay

by lash



Category: Homestuck
Genre: I don't know what else to say omg, M/M, Pesterlog, this pretty much turns into pointless fluff by the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-19
Updated: 2012-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-05 15:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/407926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lash/pseuds/lash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a ridiculously long pesterlog, between john and dave.</p><p>also I'll think of a better title some time later.</p><p>probably.</p><p>but yes.</p><p>wow really gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wow really gay

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really have that much to say??
> 
> pesterlogs are just fun as fuck to write.
> 
> ...I might write out the aftermath of their date tomorrow. just because. they're adorable dorks.
> 
> also I didn't really edit this whoops all I did was pick out most of the spelling errors.

\-- ectoBiologist  [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead  [TG] at 15:42 --

EB: dave!  
EB: hey dave are you there?  
EB: ...  
EB: ...  
EB: ...  
EB: daaaaaaaave?  
EB: helloooooooo?  
EB: come on dave it's a saturday afternoon! i know you're there.  
EB: ...  
EB: am i going to have to wait a full half hour for you to answer me??  
EB: holy shit, dave.  
EB: what the fuck are you doing???  
TG: oh hi  
TG: sorry  
TG: didnt realize that you were pestering me  
EB: it's okay, but what were you doing?  
TG: uh  
TG: its nothing  
TG: bro just wanted me to clean up some of his shit  
TG: sort of took a while  
EB: oh.  
EB: well that's okay!  
TG: what  
TG: were you thinking i was doing something else?  
EB: no it's nothing!!  
EB: anyway how are you?  
TG: whoa there  
TG: that was a pretty quick change of subject  
TG: interesting  
TG: just what were you thinking about?  
EB: i told you, dave! nothing!! now can we drop the subject please?  
TG: ...  
TG: thats a lot of exclamation points egbert  
TG: its coming off as suspicious  
TG: do tell  
EB: i. uh. really dave it's nothing.  
TG: what were you thinking i was jacking off or something  
EB: ...  
EB: i.  
EB: well.  
EB: uh.  
EB: shit.  
TG: whoa man  
TG: whoa there  
TG: are you for real?  
TG: holy shit that was just a shitty guess  
TG: didnt expect it to actually  
TG: you know  
TG: be that  
EB: there's no writing this one off, is there?  
EB: i should just go.  
TG: shit no  
TG: john dont leave  
EB: i- wait what?  
TG: i said dont leave  
EB: should i even ask why.  
TG: sure  
TG: if you want  
EB: then why, dave?  
EB: why should i stay?  
EB: i mean really it can't get any worse.  
TG: because you were right  
EB: what.  
EB: i uh didn't need to know that, dave.  
TG: well why not?  
TG: i mean youd already thought of it  
TG: jesus fuck theres nothing to be embarrassed about  
TG: well okay theres potentially things to be embarrassed about  
TG: but unless you were getting off to the thought of i dont know  
TG: the thought of me getting off to you  
TG: then theres nothing to be embarrassed about  
TG: i mean seriously  
TG: ...john  
TG: john?  
TG: john are you still there  
TG: egbert  
TG: youve abandoned me havent you  
TG: left me to rot in the cold lonely void  
TG: that is  
TG: the internet  
TG: seriously man where are you  
TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: ill keep spamming you unless you show your fucking text again  
TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: i mean it i really will  
TG: john where the fuck did you go  
TG: john  
TG: oh my god where did you go  
TG: you dont normally leave pesterchum open like this  
TG: john  
TG: dude where are you  
TG: please dont tell me that the possible homosexual implications of what i said scared you off or something  
TG: jesus fuck dont be a douche  
TG: john where are you  
TG: god fucking dammit john ive been here for a full fucking twenty minutes im going to keep spamming you like this if you dont get your fucking gay ass back here right now  
TG: egbert i swear to god  
TG: if youre just ignoring me i will kill your ass later  
TG: okay not literally  
TG: even though i probably could if i wanted to  
TG: john  
TG: fucking hell where are you  
TG: john im going to die  
TG: alone and frozen  
TG: in this shitty void  
TG: alone and abandoned  
TG: by a single boy  
TG: his names john egbert  
TG: see what i mean  
TG: he needs to get his ass back here because i cant finish my rap because its stupid  
TG: dude where are you im actually starting to get a little worried  
TG: egbert  
TG: john  
TG: man you dont even take this long to take a shower  
TG: jesus christ next time ill leave you alone  
TG: even if youve been thinking about me touching my own manhood or whatever the fuck people are calling it these days  
TG: okay that sounds fucking stupid just call it a dick  
TG: or a cock  
TG: even penis is better than that oh my god  
TG: never mind calling it a beef truncheon or something  
TG: god not even irony can make that sound decent  
TG: seriously why the ever loving fuck would you call your fucking cock something like that  
TG: it sounds so fucking stupid  
TG: egbert swear to me that if something ever happens  
TG: and we like  
TG: i dont know like start dating or something  
TG: just bear with me im not insinuating anything  
TG: swear to me that you will never call your penis anything other than  
TG: penis  
TG: cock  
TG: or dick  
TG: for the love of all that is ironic please dont name it either  
TG: oh my god no  
TG: no  
TG: oh my god egbert what would you even name it anyway?  
TG: by the way is it apparent enough now that i really meant it when i said that i would spam you  
TG: anyway might as well continue in that vein of thought  
TG: youre either not back yet or youre just sitting there ignoring me  
TG: or masturbating to this your choice by this point i wouldnt even be shocked  
TG: ok surprised but dude do you know how full of bullshit you sound with that whole "no homo!" deal?  
TG: its so stupid its verging on being completely imbecilic  
TG: seriously john its not like a bad thing to be gay  
TG: i mean im gay  
TG: total honesty there im not even being ironic  
TG: yep  
TG: totally gay  
TG: look at that i literally just came out to you and youre not even here  
TG: i dont know that youll even read this actually  
TG: kind of hope that you do though  
TG: i mean it would be nice to have someone other than rose to talk to about this  
TG: well other than rose and jade  
TG: uh  
TG: by the way  
TG: you might not want to tell jade i told you  
TG: yeah that would be  
TG: a really bad idea  
TG: unless you actually want to have an utterly mortifying conversation with her  
TG: ...  
TG: yeah that was pretty bad  
TG: okay holy shit that was bad  
TG: really bad  
TG: i cant even make myself laugh about it that was  
TG: really fucking embarrassing  
TG: i mean she like  
TG: thinks  
TG: that you have a crush on me  
TG: or that i have a crush on you or something  
TG: i dont know just dude please dont do it  
TG: jesus fuck she wants to see us like  
TG: together  
TG: i uh  
TG: its bad  
TG: as in once i came out to her that was pretty much all that she would ask me about  
TG: "hey dave!! :D"  
TG: "have you talked to john yet today?"  
TG: "i bet he misses you!!!"  
TG: it was actually a hell of a lot worse than that  
TG: but for both of our sakes ill refrain from elaborating on that  
TG: anyway yeah  
TG: im gay there said it again  
TG: watch out boy  
TG: im coming for you  
TG: not as in the ejaculatory sense but im coming after you  
TG: ...  
TG: wow theres just no way to make that sound decent is there  
TG: i was also going to say "insert lusty sigh here" but that would be taking it a bit too far i think  
TG: uh  
TG: well anyway im kidding  
TG: pretty much  
TG: except for the fact that youre actually my type  
TG: as much as i hate to admit it  
TG: but youre not even into dudes so nbd  
TG: anyway youre still my best bro and everything  
TG: just dont look at me weird if i bring a dude with me if we go on a double date or something  
TG: ...  
TG: as long as youre like  
TG: not weirded out by this  
TG: dude where are you i just poured my fucking heart and soul out into this spam get your ass back here  
EB: whoa okay i'm back sorry about that!  
TG: you have impeccable timing  
EB: uh.  
EB: give me a second to read up i guess??  
TG: sure  
EB: ...  
TG: what  
EB: you're gay?  
TG: im about as straight as a rainbow  
EB: oh.  
TG: what is it now?  
EB: i just wasn't expecting that, i guess.  
EB: not like i have a problem with it or anything!  
EB: it just makes a lot of sense.  
TG: oh really  
TG: and why would that be  
EB: well you've never seemed actually happy when you were in a relationship with a girl.  
EB: ever.  
EB: actually you seemed pretty constantly miserable! it wasn't fun to watch oh my god.  
TG: well yeah  
TG: they werent exactly  
TG: enjoyable  
EB: hahaha i bet.  
EB: wait also were you serious when you said i was your type?  
TG: serious as a heart attack  
TG: in other words yes i was serious  
TG: why?  
EB: no reason, just wondering.  
TG: whatever  
TG: anyway where were you for so long?  
TG: you sort of just left me hanging like that  
TG: not cool okay  
TG: not cool  
EB: sorry!  
EB: dad just wanted to talk to me for a minute.  
EB: ...it ended up a lot longer than that.  
TG: what why  
EB: well we talked for a long time! and then we went out for dinner or lunch or whatever i guess an early dinner?? yeah.  
EB: i'm really sorry!  
EB: i didn't mean to leave pesterchum open like that.  
EB: but at least i'm back now, i guess??  
TG: nah whatever its fine  
TG: i dont want to sound too nosy or anything  
TG: but what were you talking about?  
EB: oh.  
EB: uh i don't know that i'm supposed to be telling you!  
EB: but whatever.  
EB: i guess??  
EB: wait promise you won't freak out on me! because this is really weird.  
TG: sure cross my heart and hope to die  
EB: i guess that uh.  
EB: bro and my dad are dating?  
TG: fuck  
TG: you mean like  
TG: my bro  
TG: the one that makes puppet porn for a living  
TG: that bro  
EB: that bro.  
TG: CHRIST  
EB: whoa dude you never use caps!  
TG: I DO WHEN IM FUCKING PISSED OFF  
EB: dave holy shit don't shoot the messenger.  
TG: fuck  
TG: sorry  
TG: im not pissed as you  
TG: but why the actual fucking hell has bro not told me yet  
TG: fuck  
TG: fuck fuck fucking hell fuck you bro  
TG: figuratively not literally but nevertheless fuck you  
TG: fucking hell this is something i wouldve wanted to know jesus fuck bro fuck  
EB: wow you're saying fuck even more than normal. impressive.  
TG: of course i am im fucking pissed  
TG: god DAMN  
TG: bro i am going to kick your fucking ass i swear to god  
EB: dave, don't you think you're overreacting a little??  
EB: i mean really!  
TG: how long have they been a thing  
EB: ...uh?  
EB: i don't know!  
EB: he didn't say.  
TG: damn  
EB: why do you care?  
TG: because im fucking angry okay  
TG: bro couldve told me before  
TG: i cant stand it when he fucking keeps things from me like this  
TG: god  
TG: it pisses me off  
EB: you don't say.  
TG: shut up  
EB: well it could've been worse!  
TG: how  
TG: motherfucking how  
EB: you could've walked in on them porking.  
EB: or found a dirty text message!  
EB: or maybe even found a pair of briefs that aren't yours.  
EB: or bro's.  
TG: ok you can stop now i get your point  
EB: possibly even heard-  
EB: sure whatever.  
TG: god fucking damn though  
TG: i really wish hed told me  
EB: why are you getting so upset?  
EB: i mean his love life or whatever isn't really your business to be poking around in anyway.  
TG: i know  
TG: but i dont think you would understand  
EB: why?  
EB: i'm not an idiot, dave.  
TG: i know youre not  
TG: its not that  
TG: hfrtfdbxcv  
EB: are you okay??  
TG: its just not fucking fair  
TG: and yes im okay you moron  
TG: that was a keyboard smash of frustration  
TG: which never happens  
TG: see  
TG: im fucking irked as shit  
EB: is there even any point in trying to calm you down?  
TG: not really  
TG: god  
EB: would it help to tell me what the problem is?  
TG: no  
TG: well i dont think so  
TG: i mean it might  
TG: but id weird you out so no  
EB: dave, come on dude. you can tell me anything!  
TG: fine  
TG: im fucking jealous okay  
TG: that my fucking brother  
TG: is fucking an egbert  
EB: wait what?  
TG: dude  
TG: egbert  
TG: john  
TG: whatever just fuck it  
TG: i like you ok  
TG: in an unironic totally not platonic bro way  
TG: and im fucking pissed as hell because my fucking brother managed to hook up with your fucking dad while im still sitting here trying not to fucking explode every single fucking time that i talk to you because i fucking like you  
TG: im fucking pissed because i couldnt tell you because i was too fucking terrified of how you would react because apparently youre straight as fuck and every single time  
TG: every  
TG: single  
TG: goddamn time  
TG: that i would get my courage up again  
TG: you would fucking go and run your fucking mouth and say something that would make me totally fucking sure that you would fucking reject me  
TG: and then i wouldnt even have you as a friend  
TG: that is my problem john  
TG: that is my fucking problem  
EB: wow.  
EB: do you feel better now that you've gotten that out of your system?  
TG: what no comment  
TG: no witty retort  
TG: no "but daaaaaaaave!! i am not a homosexual!!!!!" for me this time?  
EB: i'm not though!  
TG: then what the fuck are you because youve always radiated straight as fuck to me  
TG: and i have a pretty good gaydar if i do say so myself  
EB: christ, dave! i'm not gay! i mean, like girls too. i guess i'm bi or something.  
TG: ...  
TG: why the fuck have you not told me this sooner  
EB: i could ask you the same question.  
EB: you didn't even tell me that you were gay until i'd actually left and i wasn't even online!  
TG: touché  
EB: i don't know. i guess because i just don't really think it's something to be making that big of a deal about!  
TG: you seemed pretty miffed any time i teased you about it  
EB: dave.  
EB: seriously.  
EB: wouldn't you have been "miffed" too?  
TG: fuck  
TG: you have a point there  
EB: so what are we going to do?  
TG: now its my turn:  
TG: wait what?  
EB: uh.  
EB: well i've sort of liked you for a while now!  
EB: i just didn't think you were into guys.  
EB: though to tell the truth, if i'd really thought about it that much i'd probably have realized it sooner.  
TG: why  
TG: or how  
TG: actually  
EB: dave are you serious.  
TG: im fucking serious  
TG: i mean god is it that fucking obvious?  
EB: haha i don't think so! i mean, you're my best bro.  
EB: if not even i could tell, i think you're fine.  
TG: if you say so  
TG: now what do you mean what are we going to do  
EB: well if i like you, and you like me, doesn't that normally mean that.  
EB: like.  
EB: you know!!  
EB: we would actually do something about it?  
TG: like what  
EB: i don't know.  
EB: go out or something?  
TG: wait  
TG: does that mean that youre asking me out  
EB: i guess??  
EB: i mean if that's what would make you happy!  
TG: i  
TG: uh  
EB: dave?  
EB: helloooooooo???  
EB: dave you just vanished.  
EB: daaaaaaaave.  
EB: jesus christ dave!  
EB: don't just leave me hanging like that.  
EB: god don't you have manners?  
EB: apparently not.  
EB: dave where are youuuuuuuu.  
EB: i'll resend my offer if you don't get your ass back here right now.  
TG: yes  
EB: i'll go all motherfucki-  
EB: wait is that your answer?  
EB: yes as in you'll go out with me??  
TG: yes you asshole ill go out with you  
EB: wow rude.  
TG: not really  
TG: i mean god i just agreed to be your boyfriend  
TG: so what now  
TG: does this mean that i can come over to your house for a shitty movie date  
EB: like, now?  
TG: why not  
TG: you arent busy are you  
EB: no?  
EB: uh sure then, i guess.  
TG: you dont seem very enthused  
EB: god dave i'm a little nervous give me a break!  
TG: why the actual fuck are you nervous  
TG: i mean its just me  
EB: i don't know!! i just am okay. shut up.  
EB: please.  
TG: if this is going to be weird then maybe we shouldnt  
EB: no!  
EB: i mean.  
EB: ugh no i really want this, okay?  
EB: i just don't really know what to do now?  
TG: christ youre acting like were going to fuck or something  
TG: john seriously  
TG: just treat it like im coming over like normal  
TG: if something happens itll happen  
TG: theres no pressure on you  
TG: and like hell would i rush anything  
TG: just chill  
EB: god dave i love you.  
EB: a lot.  
TG: whoa thats sudden  
TG: and you didnt even follow it up with a "no homo" this time  
TG: nice  
EB: ugh i try to say something nice and this is what i get!  
TG: jeez man i was just teasing  
TG: i love you too  
TG: a lot of homo  
EB: ;)  
TG: oh god please no  
TG: dont start with those fucking things  
EB: ;)  
TG: god if you dont stop im going to leave  
EB: ;) ;) ;)  
TG: wow those things are so sleezy its like ke$ha on steroids or something  
TG: im serious though i really will leave  
TG: its more encouragement just to come over  
EB: ;)  
TG: ill take that as you want me to come over right now then  
EB: yes.  
TG: ok then  
TG: gettin up  
TG: outta my chair  
TG: ill be over pretty soon i guess  
EB: <3  
TG: oh my god  
TG: fuck  
TG: uh  
TG: god  
TG: fine  
TG: <3 you too  
EB: i'll see you soon then!  
EB: byeeeeeeee. ;)

\-- ectoBiologist  [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead  [TG] at 19:14 --

TG: jesus christ what have i gotten myself into

**Author's Note:**

> when dave vanished for a second, it was because he went and screamed into his pillow he was so happy.
> 
> I told you.
> 
> d o r k s.


End file.
